14 Things I learned in Las Vegas

  1. The toilets in casinos flush automatically, but only after you almost leave the stall. This took me some time to figure out.
  2. Las Vegas has more money than it knows how to spend. Marble toilets, crystal chandeliers bigger than our bedroom, polished brass pavement hand-rails doesn’t even begin to cover it – although they do stop short of gold-plated toilet seats.
  3. To be a Las Vegas bar maid you must have at least DD breasts and look good in a pelmet.
  4. People are generally very friendly and helpful. However, they will get annoyed if you walk on the wrong side of the pavement, and have been heard saying “Right! Right! Fucking tourist.”
  5. Bacon is an essential food ingredient, added to everything including croissants, roast veges, and salads. Apparently, they also grind the left over food (bacon) into mush and feed it back to the pigs. 100% pure bacon indeed.
  6. Las Vegas boulevard, or The Strip as it is affectionately called, is a brilliant tourist facade. Venture outside of the strip, and all there is to see is an un-pedestrian friendly epic wasteland cemented in by towering gray windowless casino walls.
  7. People are intolerant of street people. They will get abused with statements like “Get a job, you loser”
  8. McCain political ads go along the lines of:“Obama associates with terrorists. When questioned about this Obama lied. In times of economic chaos can we afford the risk of having a terrorist for president? I’m John McCain and I endorse this message.” Obama political ads go along the lines of: “I’m really, really proud to be an American. My parents, and grandparents were really, really proud to be American.  I like to hug white people, and here are some photos to prove it. My name is Barrack Obama and I endorse this message”.
  9. Political campaigns are based on slandering your opponent. (Although Obama seems to be the exception here). I can provide a detailed summary about every candidate’s (opponent’s) shortcoming, but nothing about their actual policies.
  10. People in casinos are not gorgeous athletic specimens, consisting of 35 year -old clean-shaven men – lean, and sexier than James Bond in an Armani suit, or dazzling brunette women in figure hugging full-length white dresses with cleavage and killer heels to match.  No, people in casinos tend to be middle-aged, wearing sneakers and shorts smothered by gut overflow which their over-sized-washed-out t-shirts can’t quite cover-up.
  11. Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert. Since last year there was a 50% downturn in gambling revenue, and the city has also been hard-hit by the house market crash.  It could become a ghost-town.
  12. The best time to go jogging is at 6am in the morning. Going jogging later in day is fine too, but there are a lot more people to negotiate, and they feel compelled to comment about your legs. I can only attribute this to New Zealanders having a different running style to Americans.
  13. Las Vegas must be the most romantic city in the world, because there is a wedding chapel in every hotel
  14. Obama will win the US presidential election.

View all photos here.

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5 Responses to 14 Things I learned in Las Vegas

  1. Simon says:

    I couldn’t find the pictures of the DD barmaids :(

    Although I did see the one of the girl in the corset and stockings in a cage!

    And I had to look up ‘pelmet’ since I thought that was the bit above the curtains which seems a funny place for a barmaid to be.

    Thankfully Wikipedia put me right (as always) with this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microskirt

    And I do like how in an article about bottoms it has the footnote saying you can help Wikipedia by expanding it!

  2. michelle says:

    Here’s one from the Bellagio.

    And another (seemingly more exciting one) from the Imperial Palace.

  3. Alicia says:

    I also had to look up pelmet – also thought it was the thing above the curtains.

    Super cool photos Michelle! Next time you definitely need an assistant to lug your notebook around Vegas (pick me! pick me!)

  4. Alicia says:

    BTW – did you get yourself a pelmet outfit as a souvenir? 😛

  5. michelle says:

    No, but for only $16.99 I could have…

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